Coincidence?

There have been many experiences lately that many people would call a coincidence. I would have to differ and say that they are tender mercies. Sometimes I don't feel worthy of being chosen to have precious little Hailey, but I must be doing something right because I have definitely been watched over. Well the experience I would like to share happened last Saturday. I was sitting reading the Ensign, and I decided that I really wanted to go to General Conference. Not only do I need the inspiration, but I have always intended on taking all of my children when they get old enough to go, and THIS is the ONLY chance I get with Hailey. Well I got all sorts of depressed, and Brett couldn't figure out what was going on. Finally I told him and since he is my Caring, Wonderful, Handsome Husband he started calling around to find tickets. Our ward only had Priesthood Session tickets and I started to get sad again. He then called the stake and they had TWO tickets left to the Sunday Morning Session. I can't tell you how relieved I was, and how grateful, and excited I was. I'm still ecstatic about going up this weekend! Some may call it a coincidence... but I definitely would not call it that!!

10 Little Fingers and 10 Little Toes

These pictures were taken at 26 weeks, so a couple of days ago. Everything has been going well with the pregnancy still. I have been getting rib pain, and I think it's because I'm still not very big, and the pressure from the uterus growing is on my ribs. I have found some relief when I lay down, and when my arms are raised above my head. It mostly hurts the worst when I've been sitting in the same position for too long.










Hailey is still very active. We have enjoyed feeling her movements, and watching them. She is quite the kicker/puncher. The other day in one of my classes we watched this video about how you can sing books instead of read them to children. When I watched this I loved it because it explains kind of how I feel, and I now am going to get this book. If you don't want to watch the whole thing the song starts about 1 minute and 50 seconds into the clip.





My little girl may not have everything that every little baby does, but she is just as normal to me as any other baby. She has 10 Little Fingers and 10 Little Toes. She kicks/punches, hiccups, and is growing just like any other little baby would be. Even if she didn't she is still my little girl, and I would love her the same! Tummy time has been so fun with her and is going way too fast!! I know that if I don't get to meet her here I still at least get to see her, hold her, and love her! I am looking forward to the day when she will come, but also very nervous. I know what will happen is what the plan is, but it's hard not to think what is going to happen. I have learned so much from my little girl, and I definitely would not take her back!!

Date Night with Hailey!

To start of Spring Break, we took Brett on a date! We went to Roger's where I had my favorite Grilled chicken sandwhich, and Brett had a yummy looking burger. When we got home, we played the Wii for a little while (which of course Hailey and Mommy beat daddy). And then I decided to do something exciting!

We made dough...

We were being silly and kneaded the dough...

We twisted the dough...

And shaped it into Pretzels!!!

Yum!!

We had a fun night, and it was the perfect way to start off the Break that I have needed for a while!!

Hailey at 24 1/2 weeks!!

I can honestly say that I now have a pooch!! Last night we pulled out the camera for the first time in a long time.... and I Finally look like I'm kinda showing!! :) I have noticed little Hailey sticking out a little bit more lately so I'm glad it finally showed up in the pictures!!

There were a lot of goofy pictures, but I tried picking out the best ones! This was silly, but I was trying to poke her out more!!

It was pretty neat and special because last night was the first time daddy got to feel Hailey move!!

We also had a Doctors appointment on Monday. He said that I'm measuring a little small, but everything else looks good!!

Catching up!

There have been a couple posts that I have been meaning to get up the last 2 months or so. The first was the BYU game. Brett and I wanted to go to a Jazz game, but then we decided a BYU game would probably be just as fun. We went to the January 8 game against Air Force and it was a good game!



If I remember correctly, this was the first time I can distinctly remember feeling Hailey move. Because ball games are really loud, when the teams were being announced it was really loud and it vibrated all through me. I think it scared Hailey because I just remember her jumping or something of that sort.

When I started school, the weather in Sanpete was very cold like it always is in January. Every day I would go to school, and I would see Bald Eagles and Golden Eagles. Every time I saw them, I was either in a rush to get to school, or didn't have my camera. One day Brett was with me and we were coming home when I saw them. We hurried home and got our camera so we could take pictures. Ever since I have been pregnant, I have had a fascination with Nature and Beauty all around.

I have always loved seeing animals, but I thought it was so cool that I got to see these beautiful birds just right outside of town! I guess that's one reason I love living in a small town!!

Our Little Angel

On February 1st we had our first ultrasound right at 20 weeks. I knew this day would be a life changer, but I never knew how much I would be affected by it. We found out that we have been blessed with a beautiful little girl: Hailey June Roberts! Our perfect little Hailey doesn't get to stay here on Earth with us, as she has a neural tube defect called anencephaly. Anencephaly is a defect that happens right at the beginning in pregnancy. The neural tube doesn't close off so everything develops normally except from the eye brows up. Thus the top part of the skull doesn't develop along with the cerebral hemispheres and cerebellum of the brain. Right now she is able to function in the womb, but in the future is all uncertain. It is pretty common for the hearts of these babies to give out sometime during pregnancy. There is a fairly high chance of Hailey going full term, but still many are stillborn due to the trauma of labor. When these babies do make it through, it could be a matter of minutes, hours, and sometimes a couple days.

I can't tell you how long I have stared at this screen so many different times, trying to figure out where to start. How to tell my story. I guess I will start with my feelings. At first I was in shock, and couldn't believe that this was happening. It seemed like my whole world stopped and how could everyone keep going on with life normal? I wanted to get very upset and feel sorry for myselft, but for some reason there was just a sense a peace, which has carried through. That same day we went up to a specialist in Provo and on the way up I thought about a lot of things. I started thinking why did I go off the birth control, I just wish it would have been a miscarriage, and all these not so good thoughts. I can't remember if it was the same day, but shortly after I realized that this is my time NOW with my precious little girl. She is an amazing spirit who's mission is to come to this Earth to get a body, and I get to be part of this. The reason we went off the birth control was because we felt it was what we needed to do. We put our trust in the Lord, and he has blessed us. The doctors gave us an option of termination. At first I thought it wasn't even an option, and I would have to go through with it, but I'm grateful to know that we are able to continue with the pregnancy. In fact the doctors both told us that if it weren't for ultrasound, they would have no idea about this, and it would be considered a normal pregnancy. So we are continuing through like a normal pregnancy. This little girl from the beginning has brought so much love into our family, and as Brett said it's amazing how much our love for her has grown, even just shortly after the ultrasound. At the time of the ultrasound, I had gotten so far down in life, and didn't think anything else could go wrong. When this happened I was really taken back, because my baby is what had kept me going. I now realize that my baby girl is still the only thing keeping me going, and she has set the bar high for Brett and I. I was reading in my journal the other day, and I would like to quote a part of it that I wrote the day I found out I was pregnant.

"I am so excited and my love for this child is so full right now. Also my joy! This truly is what life is about and I am so blessed right now. My testimony has been strengthened, and I know that I just need to trust in the plan that's been prepared for me. I'm so grateful for the opportunities I am recieving right now, and I can't wait to be a MOM and hold this little one in my arms. I love Heavenly Father, my Savior, and I know they are the only way to true Joy which I have now and always as I am faithful."

I can honestly say that these words are still ringing true today. Every last one of them. As I was reading this, it made me think of all the ways I have been prepared for this. Heavenly Father didn't just throw this at me without preparing and helping me through it. In one of my classes at Snow, I did a research project on Birth Defects, and more specifically I was the one in my group who studied neural tube defects. When the doctor started explaining and told me the name, I knew exactly what was going on. I know that my little Hailey is supposed to be here right now with me, and I am grateful for the chance that I even get time now. My Testimony has definitely been strengthened more than I ever knew it could be. I knew we were putting our trust in the Lord, but I never truly knew how much I would have to. Every day I worry about something that I have no control over. I worry about her going full term, or I wonder how labor will go. If I'll ever get to meet my sweet little girl on this Earth, but then I realize that I truly have no control over these things. This is when I have to put my trust back in the Lord, and whatever is the plan prepared for me is what I will accept. This doesn't mean that I don't hope and pray that I get to meet her, but I can't worry about it until the time comes.

I know at times I can be very sad. Having to bury a baby was definitely not something that I ever imagined I would have to do when I was 21 and in my first year of marriage. I see pregnant girls and little babies, and it makes me think how my little girl would be. What color of eyes would she have, her personality, and all of the fun things that come with having a baby. I do have my moments every day, but right now I'm trying to make the best of my time with little Hailey. I want to remember it as an enjoyable time and not a miserable one. Every little kick I want to soak in, every little memory I can. Her little ultrasound pictures are one of my greatest treasures. Right now I am 23 1/2 weeks along, and if Hailey does go full term, we will probably induce at 37 weeks. This does not leave much time, and I'm afraid that it will come much sooner than I would like. Every day brings a new challenge to get over. I do know that with Heavenly Father on my side, I can do anything. If it weren't for the knowledges that I have through the gospel, I know I would be a big wreck. I am so grateful to know that families can be together forever. Even though everything is so uncertain right now, I know that Heavenly Father is watching over me, and he does love me. I know that we don't get trials that we can't handle. I know that Jesus Christ Atoned for us, and that he can help heal us. I tell Brett constantly that time will heal, but it will always hurt. I'm grateful for everyone who has prayed for us. I know that we have been strengthened by each and every prayer. For those who want to know what you can do, please just continue praying during these next couple months. I feel like I have just been rambling. Words can't explain everything that I have been experiencing, but maybe this will give you a sense of how we are doing. We love you all, and again appreciate all of the prayers that have been offered in our behalf.

18 Weeks!

Can you see the little pooch?? It is there, but not very noticable yet!