Family Pictures 2011

A quick side story... When we went to pick up these pictures from a friend in our ward, Brett and I were coming outside to get into the car and we heard something. Brett asked what it was, and I told him it sounded like gunshots, and he jokingly said that we should get in the car. A couple of days later he was asking me what night we were at Matt's house picking up the pictures, and I told him Wednesday evening after mutual. Well, come to find out we really did hear gunshots, and you can read about it here. Kind of scary! Even scarier, they were straight east half a mile through a field from us, and shooting in our direction. Thank goodness the couple was ok, and it was only a shotgun so it wouldn't have traveled very far.

Anyway... This year I really wanted to get some nice pictures done with the pretty fall season, and incorporate Hailey into them. Our family friend Matt took these awesome photos, and I was thrilled with how well they turned out. Thanks Matt, you are awesome! Hope you all enjoy!

Headstone 11/11/11

I wrote this post on 11-11-11, and I was having a really hard day. I debated on posting it after rereading it, and after a mortal debate with myself decided to anyway.....

Sometimes I have hard days. Sometimes I have good days. Sometimes I have hard weeks with good moments. Sometimes I have good weeks with hard moments. This has been me for the last month or so. I probably would put myself into the category this week of hard week with good moments.

When people have a baby, one fun thing is looking for the milestones. The first smile, solid foods, starting to babble… you get my point. The only milestone I have been able to look forward to is a different kind of stone. A headstone.

On Tuesday, Brett told me that they would be coming Friday to put in Hailey’s headstone. Today was that day, and I have been having mixed feelings about this. I’m sorry if this post seems kind of melancholy, but I really don’t know how to express it otherwise.



I am really happy that the headstone is here, and it turned out just the way I had hoped it would. On the other hand, I’m kind of sad because this was the last thing that we had to do for Hailey. There are no more “milestones” to look forward to, and this officially closes a chapter.

I know that Hailey is not far, but sometimes I’m not strong enough to hold off the sadness. I love seeing babies being born, and growing up, but at the same time it brings floods of emotions to me. Sometimes selfish emotions. Some days all I want is for everything to be different. To be at home with my little girl, and not sitting in a classroom full of college students. I’m constantly having to be reminded that this is not the plan that has been prepared for me, and then silently keep moving forward with life, trying to not show the pain.

I guess the best way to put the last little while is that my heart is breaking. For the better. Everyday I think I gain a little more strength to get through the next day. It has been quite the process of ups and downs.

One thing that I have learned is service truly does help heal. Whenever I feel down, if I go and serve someone in need, I feel 10x better than I did before. It’s amazing how forgetting yourself, and doing service can help you probably more than the person you helped.

Another thing that has been good for me is realizing all of my blessings that I do have. Many times I take the little things for granted, and it’s a good time of year to be overwhelmed thinking of everything I do have. I am grateful for everything that I have. Counting my blessings is nearly impossible, and helps me remember that Heavenly Father loves me, and this in turn helps me through the hard times.

Angel Watch

See these two stunning ladies?



I’m going to let you in on a little secret. They are really angels in disguise. I realized that I have hardly mentioned these ladies in my posts, and decided to dedicate this post to them. I don’t think that I can express how amazing these women are, but I will try.

Heather and Marilyn are the ladies that run the Angel Watch Program for Utah County and south. Brett and I had the privilege of working with these wonderful women throughout the pregnancy, delivery, and after-math of all of the events.

As Brett and I learned about the diagnosis of Hailey, and we decided to continue on with the pregnancy, the genetic counselor asked if we would like to be referred to the Angel Watch Bereavement Program. I didn’t know what to expect, but I thought that maybe it could help. This one decision was one of the best decisions I made the whole pregnancy.

Angel Watch is a program that helps parents of babies diagnosed with life-threatening conditions celebrate the life of their baby, no matter how short or long it may be. Every person they help, they try to individualize the experience and not make it the same for everyone. They provide many things like literature to help the family’s through the grieving process. They help the family’s cope through the hard time. They visit the families and stay in contact with them to see if they can help in anyway. There are programs available in Logan area, Ogden area, Salt Lake area, and the Provo area.

Marilyn is a pediatric nurse. She helped us with any medical questions or concerns that we had. They both were with us during the delivery to help us and give us encouragement. Heather is a bereavement specialist, and she helped to make some memories for us. Shortly after Hailey was born, they helped us get her bathed and dressed, and Heather made some beautiful feet and hand molds and prints that I now cherish with all my heart.









They really are so precious, and are my favorite treasures that I have of Hailey.

The support didn’t stop there. Heather was able to come down to the viewing and graveside. One remarkable thing about these ladies, is that they do this voluntarily. They take time out of their own lives to help others, and it is truly a service on their part. Their love and concern for us was apparent the whole time, and still is to this day.

Two weeks ago, I was so excited because Marilyn and Heather were coming down to visit. When they came, they delivered this…





You may recognize it from here.

This little bear is made out of the blanket that I made. Hailey was wrapped in it shortly after her arrival. I was so excited to get it, and kind of got a little teary eyed seeing it for the first time. Along with the Angel Watch program, a sweet lady (I wish I knew her name) makes these bears out of a blanket that you send to her, so you can have that memory as well.

I know I mentioned this up yonder, but these ladies are so amazing, and I really can’t express how much I appreciate them and everything they have done for us. Our experience would not have been anything like it was without these wonderful women. I would recommend the Angel Watch program to anyone. I know the Angel means the little angels that are being watched, but I do believe that these ladies are angels themselves. If you know of anyone going through a similar situation, help them out by letting them know about this wonderful program available. If you have any question or need information, let me know and I can get you steered in the right direction. You are all so wonderful, thanks for your support!