I Think I Can, I Think I Can...

I have always made sure that I write on days that I am doing well and keeping my head up. Well today has not been one of those days. I've had many days lately where I don't know if I can do this. It usually always occurs after a Doctors appointment. Last week I was very nervous about things, but I finally was able to find strength. Brett and I have both felt that as much as we wish we could go on forever with this pregnancy, it has come time. We've been waiting and watching everyday for the last 19 weeks, and it is time for little Hailey to come soon. We have about 9 days left before our due date, and I'm scared and trying to gain strength... but at the same time I don't think I can be any more ready than I already am.

Today at my Dr. Appointment I was really, really nervous again. For myself I would like to be induced, but I think it would be better if Hailey could come on her own, so I've been having mixed feelings. Well we finally got into the room about an hour after waiting, and we ended up waiting another 40 minutes before we saw my Doctor. All of this waiting just built my nerves up even more. Good news is that Hailey is still growing. We are not measuring small anymore. I noticed last night and this morning that Hailey was kicking on my right side; whereas, the last month she has been kicking on my left side, so I knew that she had shifted positions a little bit. At first he couldn't find her heart beat because she wasn't in the same position, but he finally found it and Hailey is still doing very well. Now as for me... not so good. My blood pressure was up today. Not high enough that he wants to induce yet, but concerened enough he put me on bed-rest, and a home health nurse will be in to check on me everday. I'm not on full out bed-rest, but I'm supposed to lay on my left side as much as I can. They also did some blood work, and everything came back normal which is a good thing. Last appointment I was dilated to a 2 and effaced 40%, and this appointment he said it hasn't effaced much, but it felt closer to a 3, so we have started getting ready.

Well after all of this, I was having a hard time. When I have a hard time, I start stressing about everything. I just wish that I could be done somedays because it is such a worry wondering what is going to happen and WHEN! When we got home I was able to collect myself again, and my wonderful husband gave me a blessing which helped tremendously!! Every time I have a hard time, there are always experiences that remind me that Hailey is truly a blessing to me. We got a package delivered today from my Aunt and her family. Inside was a Willow Tree figurine titled "Our Gift."




This made me get back on track and remember that my precious girl is a gift given to me, and that I need to treasure her, and not be selfish and just think about myself. I need to willingly do this for her and accept whatever is to come. I love her so much, and I honestly couldn't imagine my life with out her. We truly are blessed to have tender mercies and experiences that help us understand and continue on with life. I am very grateful for this opportunity that I have now. It won't be too long, and we will be able to love her and hold her. I'm not so worried about things because I know that they will happen when they are supposed to. The waiting game can sometimes be hard and stressful, but it will all be worth it in the end. Right now I just need to focus on keeping me and Hailey healthy until she gets here. We are so close, and I need to keep my head up continue thinking positive, and putting my trust in the Lord. These truly are the only things that keep me going each day.